So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
