Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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