how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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