I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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