Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
