Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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