Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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