I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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