I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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