You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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