I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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