apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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