You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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