Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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