It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
