I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
