I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
