my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
