Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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