Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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