you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
