Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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