she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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