I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
