i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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