Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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