Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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