i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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