Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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