Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
