I want to walk on stilts...naked
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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