I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
