I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
