she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
