He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
