When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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