so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
