So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
