I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
