awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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