ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
