dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
