@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
