I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
