Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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