so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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