She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
