nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
