someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
