was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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