I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
