All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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