I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
