I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
