i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
