I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
