so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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