do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
