You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
