I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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