I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
