i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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