sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
