The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What a dumb baby whore.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
