dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
