like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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