I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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