You made me cry and you don't even care
Please, let me fuck your mom
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
