Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
