how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
