Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
